pssssst, what are your plans for the weekend, tony?

ah, thanks for asking.

well they are having that Summer Solstice Parade in Santa Barbara, and if i rented a car and drove up there, i have a sneaking suspicion that i could pick up fellow Gaucho Meeeeesh on the way and get her toasted on State Street.

But im terribly shy, so thats definately out of the question.

The Boston Red Sox are in town squaring off against the Dodgers at Chavez Ravine.

But I hate the AL and im still on the fence about this whole interleague thing.

Ashley has a few days off this weekend, and i could rent a car and visit her.

But she seems to be enjoying herself with the 3RD! gentleman caller of the week. Lucky girl.

So I guess I will sit at home and update my Links page and make this blog nicer looking, seeing as it will be gone in about three weeks, unless 58 new links appear magically.

By the way, can you believe what sort of company Jarvis put me in? Gracias Senior!

And I will probably finish Layne’s “Dot Con” which I am enjoying immensely although the character Brendon D. Pierce Jr. disturbs me, slightly, since he is a blabber mouth stool pigeon frat boy who will probably be killed off in a gruesome manner.. one could only hope.

But I have laughed out loud from nearly every page. Which is quite an acheivement since I am a sullen reserved gentleman who rarely even picks up a book that isnt on the NY Times Best Sellers list.

Which Dot Con should definately reside.

I swear to you it’s a great novel. Click the link quickly!

Anyhow, once i finish touching up my dumb page here, i will put out some fires and clean my shower.

happy first day of summer, america

ive got a lot of friends and lots of them write me emails and lots of their emails lead me to stuff that i end up writing about in this blog and some of the things that i write actually lead to changes in my life.

today i got lots of emails telling me how damn funny my previous post about the italian/korean soccer controversy was.

let me tell you this, readers, it’s ok to post those things in the handy Comments section.

i know that you dont want to appear “stupid” or “lame” or “etc.” but when people write in my Comments section i get very happy.

I gave you a little blurb the other day about Michelle in Oxnard. Michelle wrote me the other day to ask me my sign. I happily told her that I, too, am a Libra. I’m no expert in the signs, but i agree with what i have read that Libras have very low self-esteem. We can do magical tricks, we can communicate well, we’re excellent lovers, and fun at parties, but everyone has their weaknesses and most Libras are burdened with the above malidy.

But we silently cope.

It’s almost as though Confidence is a bucket, and my bucket has a hole in it.

Ashley is a gorgeous girl, fun, talented, smart, lovable, and i called her an angel yesterday because i met her just as i was breaking up with Chris after 5 years of Bliss and even though Karisa said that she would be my friend and keep me from being lonely, and even though all those NBA cheerleaders were available to date, and even though i had incredibly good luck on blind dates and etc., there was nothing better than having the undying adoration from the former teen princess.

constant loving touches, sweet chatter, declarations of admiration. all the things that others might say were so sticky sweet to cause cavities were completely fine with me.

people dont say that there is something mentally wrong with the bucket that has a hole.

it’s merely a bucket that needs more water than the one that has no hole.

what can you do?

you can pray.

so what is my summer wish?

i want to have a dynamite summer.

i want to sleep beneath the stars with a hot chick, or two.

i want to be able to write to you, somehow, maybe here, maybe not here.

i want to go on that crazy rollercoaster at six flags.

i want a new job.

i wanna be published in a newspaper and make my mom proud.

i want to be confident for three days straight.

and i really want your summer to be great.

maybe you’ll write about it too.

thats something id like for you to do.

arent you glad nothing here is true.

i’m glad we lost that damn game

america doesn’t need soccer. we never have. it’s been nothing more than something kids do during recess and immigrants play on sundays. kick the ball into the big net, euros.

hug each other when you score.

italy showed a lot of class when they lost to South Korea the other day thanks to Ahn Jung-hwan. Jung-hwan is a Korean who plays for a professional Italian club when the stupid World Cup isnt sending losers into a false nationalistic frenzy. after Jung-hwan headed in the winning goal to beat Italy this week, his Italian club said that his contract wouldn’t be renewed. he had been fired.

he scored a goal by knocking it in with his skull, pisan. that’s all.

you act as if this tournament means more than the Animalympics.

go back to making our shoes and sending your pretty girls over here so we can hop on top of them.

fix us up some bland pasta.

italy, you might have some pretty art, but you didnt invent pizza, venice is a freak show cess pool, rome hasnt been cool for a thousand years, and the only decent thing you make any more people cant afford: Ferraris.

go back to selling cheap leather and talking about Felini.

ive been to italy plenty of times.

all your men leered at my girlfriend’s american bosom like they’d never seen titties before.

and after looking at your women, i can see you havent seen tittes before.

no wonder you run in the streets with the bulls.

no wonder you throw tomatoes at each other.

no wonder the Pope is polish. Even the dirty fakers in the vatican know that italy has lost it.

but life is beautiful, right?

all you need is a room with a view, si?

you run around with your slicked-back hair and your cappuccinos and your gellato and your jewelry and you pretend like its ok that you once ruled the world – even parts of africa (the easy parts) – and now you dont, but it’s okay, who needs it, you’ve got firenze.

all you have, to borrow from layne, is shame.

fire the korean kid for using his head against you? what do you think he was in the game for? to help you?

you think he flew back home to korea, trained with his korean teammates, put on the korean uniform, stood up during the korean anthem, just so that if the ball came flying at his eyes that he’d miss it for your benefit?

it’s a game. it’s a stupid game. its a game you could teach retards to play within minutes. you could write the rules down on a ravioli.

go back to drinking your wine and feeding Pavarotti.

the only decent Italians are American ones, anyway.

but you know what, i’ll take back what i said about you, cuz i secretly do love you.

of course i do.

and secretly you dont want to fire Ahn Jung-hwan.

what you want to do is hire him back and let him get booed every time his korean foot touches the ball.

your stadiums will be packed every time his team pulls up their shorts and takes the field.

all that passion you people swear that you have so much of will flow like in one of those nice operas that people tell me about.

sell his effigy at the games and burn it during halftime.

with your little cigarettes hanging out of your mouth.

classy like.

but im serious, hire the korean back, or i wont take back what i said and i’ll tell everyone that the Olive Garden is exactly what your food is like over there.

and i don’t agree, but Sonny says you’re acting like the French.

41. Get Your OJ On

42. Rallying Point