i first met emmanuelle nearly five years ago at her wedding to matt welch. i think that was the first time, my memory is horrible.

matt and emmanuelle got married in the home of milky white cows called joncey, france.

me and chris were together back then and we took an airplane from frisco to amerstam, spent the night there, then took a train to paris and spent the night there, then took a train to a town and got picked up by dougie gyro, i think, and he took us to the joncy.

first beers were drank, then we all went to the the town courthouse. they knew emmanuelle’s dad since he was the mayor, after all. then we all marched through the streets to the church, then we all marched through the streets to another place with drinks.

then we went to the mayor’s house to party.

the story, as i remember it, is that emmanuelle’s family were the leaders of this central france small town for years and years. then in the late 30s or early 40s they were voted out. then hitler marched through france and came to joncey and said, “where are your leaders?” and they pointed to the people who were the leaders and hitler took them to a barn and hung them.

once WWII was over the french voted emmanuelle’s family back into office and not only has joncey never been happier, but some might say the world has never been better. coindidence?

one of the coolest memories that i will ever have in joncey was listening to matt and ken and os sing up on a hill in the dark in the wee hours that summer night as the reception was dying down. a wedding due to the fact that emmanuelle reeled in that romanticly drunken hippy whiteboy from the lbc.

emmaunelle is an awesome person, shes french, but not one of those terrible french people we read about. when she speaks english it’s sweet, it’s cute. it makes you think that all the french should speak english cuz it sounds good like that.

emannuelle has a great fashion sense all her own and makes it seem so easy.

shes a fabulous journalist, and brings home the bacon en francaise or in english, just like she does on her killer blog.

but best of all she has kept our good pal matt healthy, happy, and still singing sweet songs.

bonne anniversarie, mon amie, emmanuelle!

damn that bitc! is butt fu!king ugly!

Rocko

Dear “Rocko”,

exactly whic! bitc! are you claiming to be butt fu!king ugly!?

and since when is that an insult? last time i found myself behind the curtained privacy of the adult section at the 20/20 video (which was quite a while ago, sadly), three out of four of the tapes had something to do with butt love of one sort or another.

now, just because im the minority who dont find that sort of affection as endearing as some, apparently most video-renting americans do.

just look at the selection!

right now rocko, we could see white girl, black girls, latinas, asians, blondes, schoolgirls, amateurs, professionals, seniors, married, goths, cheerleaders, midgets, and yes, even babes in jail get butt fu!ked.

and these are pretty girls.

which makes me confused when you suggest that the only young ladies who like it that way would be ugly.

as for my looks, you need to learn the lesson that i am living by example. i am quite over my looks. i dont even look at my looks anymore because it makes me sad.

but the lesson is, look at all the hot chicks who dont even care.

to borrow from your vocabulary list, that is what i would call “freakish.”

i dont get it. LA is brimming full of good looking guys. all the gyms are full, all these guys have great cars and cool bachelor pads, and good clothes, and wads of ill gotten cash.

how am i, at 108 years old, not 40, poor rocko, pulling in these totally amazing women? none of whom have ever asked me to visit their backdoor, thankfully.

my lesson to you, friend, is it’s not cuz of my looks. and its not my fancy car, or ocean front casa, or endless supply of cocaine and gold boolions.

see, i cant even spell it.

gold bullions.

thank you, blog.

as for “running after mentally disturbed teens,” ashley is now twenty, no longer a teen. and im not running after her, if you must know, shes running after me.

does that make her mentally disturbed?

sorta.

but im way more disturbed for not letting her catch me, since shes the catch, and i miss her very much.

so quit being jealous that she doesnt want you.

there are other fish in the sea

and as we see from this picture, there are also jack asses like you.

write back soon.

love,

tony

p.s. i do need to take a shower. but its not ass that i smell of.

guess again.

28. http://www.bloviate.blogspot.com