Hootenanny

Twin/Tone Records

“Lovelines”

Slightly overweight girls need sex also

Send your note and desires

Means of contact P.O. Box 8941

Baby you have been along

I’ll read another

As soon as it comes around

Feeling pressure?

Call Lovelines

JD if you need a fishing partner

please let me know

Visitors welcome instruction

5 generation mess you give for naught

Hey Ellen

Mark says hi

Tom what else can I say

I love you very much

I’m glad we’re together

miss you a lot

Love kitten

Ooh yeah ooh yeah Kitten

Ooh yeah ooh yeah

Lurkin’ lizards lyin’ in the tanners

under an oral fix

waiting for the return of the crawling kingsnake

John Lee

okay

grin & bear it

Fantasy Phone Swingers’ Hotline

Pure silk, pure seduction

G-strings in petal pink

Hell

Attract some women

scientific formulated

spray the conductive male hormone

yo, turn the lights off

ooh baby, let’s turn a page

Person-to-person

And it’s all a bunch of shit

Wednesday, October 13th, 1982

volume 4, number 79

Sorry Ma, Forgot To Take Out The Trash

Twin/Tone Records

“I’m In Trouble”

I gotta hide, I gotta run

Try suicide, well that ain’t no fun

Oh you won’t ever say that it’s so

You’re in love and I’m in trouble

Spend my cash, waste my time

Take out the trash, not this time

Well you won’t never say that it’s so

You’re in love and I’m in trouble

I’m in

You’re in

I’m in

You’re in

Trouble

I’m in

You’re in

I’m in

You’re in

Trouble

Trouble

Trouble

Trouble

I gotta hide, I better run

I’ll try suicide, no no no that ain’t no fun

You won’t ever let me go

You’re in love and I’m in trouble

Yeah

Stink

Twin/Tone Records

“God damn job”

I need a God damn job

I need a God damn job

I really need a God damn job

I need a God damn job

God dammit

God dammit

God damn, I need a God damn job

I need a God damn girl

I need a God damn girl

I really need a God damn girl

I need a God damn girl

God dammit

God dammit

God damn, I need a God damn job

Right now right now

An honest job, if I can find one

will knock on my door and cup her hands around her eyes and peer through my windows to see if im home, and sometimes i answer and sometimes they take advantage of me and sometimes i even like it.

normally i resist the temptation because i really don’t want anything from them, and as much as a good fling might make for a good fling, i have rarely met a hottie who understands this concept and after a while they start to make themselves comfortable and wear out their welcome.

but today i feel ornery. austin powers would say randy, rene would say naughty, and the king of pop would say dangerous.

friday night and i planned on drawing a hot tub, snipping some rose petals from the bushes and sprinkling them around the floor and light candles like “when doves cry” and turn the music on low and recuperate this old body of mine.

ive abused it. ive worn it out. ive taken advantage and im sorry, brittle bones.

you’ve carried this mixed up soul around for over a century of rock n roll and ive never done the damage to you that ive done this summer and im sorry.

but murphys law says there will be a ding dong at the doorbell and rosalita doesn’t ring twice. she might have a friend in from out of town, she might have a cousin, she might have an ememy. she might come alone. things start off nice, we’ll hug, we’ll chat, she’ll pop open a dr. pepper and pour it in her glass and see if i have any french bread which i wont and she’ll look at me pleased.

french bread means brie, brie means wine, wine means i have had company, and shes a jealous neighbor

and im an unapologetic man.

she’ll try to be sexy, but she doesn’t need to try, she just needs to lean over.

i have a friend who has a bell on his night stand and he tells his girlfriends, of which he has many, fucker, that since we live in uncertain times, he would prefer it if they rang the bell when they wanted what they wanted.

he told me that the other night he had a woman over who knew this procedure and walked into his room and “tripped” and knocked over the bell.

oopsie, she said.

but make no mistake, my life is nothing like his, and his is nothing like yours, and instead of a hot tub, i’ll probably twist open a cold beer, flip on the tv and pass out before ten only to be awaken by a rerun of night court, completely sleeping through the little tap tap at the door.

when i talk about politics. shes not the only one.

she wrote in and said that if she took a picture of she and her sister in catholic girl skirts would i just shut up and write about her.

i said, bribery and flattery will get you everywhere.

she enclosed the following picture and told me that i am the sexiest man she’s ever known.

::sigh:: if only she loved me for my mind.

ashley is finishing up her summer vacation in las vegas this weekend. the family took a quick trip to sunny palm springs followed by a spur of the moment excursion to the happiest place on earth and then back to vegas for more heat. ashley loves it hot. i do too.

this weekend her daddy’s gonna buy her a car, which is going to be an interesting situation because that means that she will probably be making more trips up to see me than what has been the norm.

in my quest to help her find boys her own age, i have suggested that she really shouldnt be calling and emailing and hanging with me as much as she does but she just calls me stupid and tells me how much she misses me.

recently Hef emailed me and told me that he has the same troubles with his girfriends which is why he’s up to 6 of the blonde bombshells currently.

“gotta take the good with the bad,” he told me, “plod on the best that you can, dude.”

i like it when older guys say “dude.” it sounds so funny.

there is an old budhist line that goes: what you resist, persists.

this is the first time ive ever pushed a girl away who would have nothing of it.

i cant say it’s terrible.

whats also pretty neat is when people borrow from my style. recently ive seen annessa talk to her blog, kool keith interview several of his personalities simultaneously, as well as various others who take pics from reuters and write around them.

imitation pleases me.

pretty much my whole experience of blogging has been quite a happy little journey of suprising discoveries.

people write in and try to narc on others who are “biting” my style, but i think its fine. humans are animals who grow by mimicking. i dont wear my influences on my sleeve, i plaster them right across my chest: bukowski, e.e., sukenick, royko, layne, welch, vaine, jd salinger, spin, maxim, the man show, howard stern.

after a while ones own personality will come through.

maybe next week will be the week that mine will finally make it here.

lets hope it has been worth the wait.

happy 44th birthday, madonna!

love,

your biggest fan,

tony

this game is called the Hits game.

really simple to play.

starting from now till sunday at midnight it will be your job to get as many hits as you can to this site.

have a link that says “OMG! nude women selling abacusses!” or “George Bush Actually Doing Something” or “Bin Laden Found Shuffleboarding”. doesnt matter. just get them here.

the top five sites that link to me will get linked on the left hand primo slot in order of hits received.

also, as a bonus, i will do a good feature on each of the five sites and their authors.

void where prohibited.

and like the presidential elections, cheating is allowed.

anything goes.

have fun!

in other news, i have had the rare opportunity of catching a glimpse of the next episode of the Anna Nicole Show, and it is by far the best one yet.

if you like america’s new sweetheart and her adventures through tinsletown, you will love this episode.

as in LOVE.

are you in a happy mood today, clickers and lurkers?

what about you comment people?

as for the comment people too chicken shit to leave their names and email addresses after they try to diss me, have no fear, i have your IP addresses and i will be making the rounds across this country soon enough and when i do you will get a friendly little visit where i will teach you some manners and remind you of what your momma should have taught you years ago regarding the Golden Rule.

if you have a mean, jealous, stupid comment, sign your name, that way people might just think that you have the faintest clue.

otherwise we’ll just assume that youre some chicken shit pimply faced teenboy hopped up on code red mountain dew bored from being rejected all day from cam girls who refuse to netmeeting with you envious of the strange luck of yours truly, yet incapable of a decent put down if you even tried. and sadly, you are trying.

so here’s what you should do, fella. keep beating off to pop-up xxx ads of barnyard girls that look like your sister. keep being lame and repetitive. keep writing dumbass things in the comments section that only make me look like shakespeare in comparison, and for once in your life *pretend* to be a man and after you say something totally predictable and lame take a chance and leave your name and a link to your incredible web site so we can all bask in your brilliance of creativity wit and scary insight.

or just go back to lurking, squeezing your zits, and being a young republican.

you are nothing but fuel for my wildfire of vengence.

signed,

tony pierce dot com

tony pierce, what’s up with UPI?

oh you mean that article about bloggers?

don’t you mean that article about white journalists who have blogs?

uh.

tony, where the brothas?

tiger, that article was a fair summation of about a dozen of the most popular blogger out there.

all i saw were mentions of all the usual suspects: layne, welch, rabbit, emmanuelle, reynolds, postrel, andrew sullivan, lileks, kaus, michael moore, drudge, and alex beam.

alex beam isn’t a journalist.

ok, you got me there. but still, what is revolutionary about Blogging isn’t that everyday people get to read journalists, its that everyday people get to read everyday people.

like who, tiger?

like you, tony.

p’shaw.

ok, then like charles johnson, who was written about a little in the article.

i agree with you there, here’s a long haired guitar player from the valley computer expert who has The go-to website for all your arab news.

i thought he was a bass player.

whatever. in my opinion all stories about blogging should begin with his little green footballs. it is the epitome of a normal guy with an extraordinary interest who can take the news and discuss it in an intelligent way on a well-designed site visited by millions.

your site gets millions, tony.

then i would talk about eric and dawn olsen. two non-journalists who came to the party relatively late in the game and became huge blogging stars. eric writes about music and politics, dawn talks about jim treacher.

what’s so special about that?

i just told you, they’re just a normal married couple with two entirely different come-froms and interests who have two totally different sites who have risen to the top in a short period of time simply by being interesting. incidentally, it’s dawn’s birthday today.

happy birthday, dawn.

happy 25th birthday, dawn!

how many other married couples are blogging, tony?

welch and emmanuelle, layne and crane, greg and molli.. im sure there are others.

any brothers and sisters blogging?

you mean besides ben and kate sullivan? do they count, they’re both journalists?

ok, sorry, my bad. i love them though. so let me tell you another problem i had with the article. everyone was white.

most bloggers are white. you need a computer to blog. and free time. and money for hosting.

more reason to include you on the list, my brotha.

whatever.

other problem with the upi thing, everyone was in their 30s.

wrong again, tiger, emmanuelle and heather aren’t a day over 25.

ok, well, why don’t these “serious” articles ever talk about the forefathers of the modern day blogger, the cam girls, who, by the way, are still kicking ass design-wise and traffic-wise.

i don’t think that’s true, tiger.

tony, remember when welch gave kudos to lil green footballs for getting over 500 comments on one of his posts?

yeah, but you have to admit that’s quite an accomplishment. metafilter is a frickin “communitiy” and if theres 100 comments to a front page post, that’s a hugely popular thread.

well, your girl Chelle got 500+ comments the other day, and nay was averaging over 50 a post before she put up her message board, which immediately crashed due to popularity.

well who doesn’t want to look at cute teen girls getting naked on their cams?

ha ha, that’s funny. you know they don’t get naked.

yeah, i know.

and why didn’t UPI write about the older bloggers like Doc Searls and The Daily Pundit?

those guys are just prematurely gray.

and what about the people who make super beautiful sites like Riley Dog, and Looby Lu and Floor Pie and 5ilver?

what it makes me think, tony, is that these newspapers and reporters really don’t take blogs seriously, they treat them like a cute little fad, or a tool for freelance journalists to archive their work.

otherwise they themselves would have blogs?

exactly. ironically, very few people ever write about Ev, the inventor of Blogger, ‘s blog

but would it still be cool if the mainstream had blogs?

the mainstream does have blogs, that’s exactly my point, and that’s what makes them so interesting. you discovered moxie, a normal single young woman trying to get over her past love and re-join the dating pool. when it’s well-written, like hers is, that’s good stuff.

what about molli writing about going through her pregnancy?

what about sara moving from frisco to texas?

what about a pretty depressed anorexic young woman eating cups of ice?

what about the true life stories of Miss Oxnard? speaking of which, where do you find these people?

they find me. but tiger, reporters aren’t going to write about that sort of thing. how do you explain it? why would it bring about any interest?

it’s interesting, tony, because it’s real. reality tv is the biggest thing right now. blogs are reality tv that’s unedited written by real people who aren’t in it solely for the money. unlike the networks. bloggers even have a neilson ratings of sorts. if people want real, theres nothing more real than reading about sara discovering her new neighbors in austin, the bugs.

hell, it’s so mainstream even celebs have blogs, like moby‘s and rupaul’s rule.

totally.

tiger, i gotta get on a bus and go to work now.

ok, tony, but what are you going to do about the fact that you never get written about in these big articles? if Time decided to write about Bloggers, Instapundit would make the cover, not you.

Instapundit deserves it, he’s the man.

but what you do is so much more difficult. plus you’ve popularized so many different aspects of this medium, photo essays, interviewing inanimate objects, selling links on your blog on eBay, suckering the blog world into getting you 100 new links in a month, and im sorry but i don’t think that Instapundit ever got 2 million hits in 4 days.

i bet he did.

i bet he didn’t. and if he did, then maybe you two should be on the cover of Time together.

gonna miss my bus, tiger. keep dating those white girls. but i wouldn’t put me and Glenn on the cover, i would put Glenn and Ev.

i disagree. but nice work being the #1 Tony on Google. maybe you should be on the cover of Ebony then.

I’m holding out for Jet. btw, i heard that you were the #4 Tiger.

can you believe that shit?

sucks to be you, i guess.

would you mind writing about me a little and helping my number?

i’ll see what i can do for you, bro.

much love to eric and chris who both stoked the blog with a solid buck. im wondering if that thermostat will break $300 before friday? jersey guy would say no, but his mom wont let him on the computer till he cleans his room.

she lost yesterday to Virginia Ruano Pascual 7-5, 6-1.

she called me and then hung up without leaving a message.

i was playing softball.

we won 15-6.

when she finally reached me she didnt want to talk about tennis.

i almost pulled my quad running around second, i told her.

are you in love with karisa? she asked.

i was stupid, i said, ignoring her, which is what you should do when girls are being girls. i didnt jog i didnt run, you should always run around the field first then stretch then sprint then jog again.

’cause you sure did kiss her ass. she pouted.

i mean, i know i dont look 108, but tonight i feel about 75. my left leg. my arm’s fine though. and i almost thought i broke my foot when i crossed home.

do you even love me any more, tony?

no, im no longer in love with you. i told her.

when im on the phone i pace. people used to make fun of me until i saw the thelonious monk documentary “straight, no chaser.” a fellow libra, monk would pace and walk in tight little circles and talk to himself. he talked to himself when he played too. even if you have a crappy stereo if you get the verve recording of “alone in san francisco” you can hear him approving of certain runs or well struck notes.

i play monk any time i can at the department store.

and when i do i talk to myself quietly.

you dont?!

how old are you, anna?

twenty one.

ok, i change my mind then,

i still love you.

brezney was right, the real thing has arrived. kate sullivan is now writing for the new times la, and today unveils her new column.

The Real Thing has arrived. Maybe not the Ultimate, Climactic, Last-You-All-Your-Life Real Thing, but who knows?

Pinch yourself, Libra.

– Rob Brezney from Free Will Astrology

i dont know what any of that means, but maybe it will cheer up meesh, who appears to be down in the dumps about some damn thing or another. all i know is that its keeping her from blogging, a terrible affliction that has stymied the elctronic growth of some of my favorite bloggers this summer: a. beam, rabbit, dolce, reesha, layne and welch, to name a few.

fortunately we have Blogcritics, though, which just might have too much information! not that thats possible.

one blogger who continues to plug away is Richard Bennett, who today comments on a senate bill that just passed that will help, if ever so slightly, men who have been unjustly accused of fathering children from women that they dont even know. as i found out the hard way, even if the DNA test proves that billie jean is not your lovah, you could still find yourself having to pay for a little kid who doesnt even look like you.

i’d kiss the feet of my lawyer who got me off the hook, but i think her boyfriend would get jealous. perhaps she would like me to do some light dusting around her hot tub?

and finally today, sorry but i have to star in our first xbi softball scrimmage this evening, a lovely lady who recently flowed the busblog paypaled my ass and asked if it was enough for a sexy little tale about “a good girl with high morals on an excursion abroad and runs into someone willing to corrupt her.”

dear, any amount of generosity towards the busblog slush fund is enough for such a tale, and i promise you that before friday you will have just what you seek either on this blog or on the main site. so stay tuned, and people, send in your requests with your bucks and your dreams just might come true too.