every morning i listen and every evening i watch. i love howard stern and i love robin quivers.

when i first saw howard on tv and i saw robin there, i didn’t get it. but now i couldn’t imagine it any different. robin balances out the show real nice.

sometimes when she is sick or out or whatever, the howard stern show is really too much of a frat house. robin keeps it in order, she laughs, she often has better jokes than most of the fellas, she knows who the stars are, she watches all the movies and tv shows, she knows the current events, she’s perfect.

in her book, “Quivers: A Life” she describes being molested as a child and all the pain that it brought her and all the anger she once had. and what i love about her and the show, whenever the gang has a chance to kid robin about it, they do. it’s brutal. but it’s almost fair since they grill their guests just as hard. robin is not only a survivor, she’s a role model now because she has been able to take such a heinous inexcusable act and now looks it in the face and laughs at it.

unreal.

what’s also awesome about robin is her relationship with howard. these are two people who truly love each other. im sure they have a difference of opinions at times, but you’d never know it. ive never heard or seen them fight, ive never heard or seen them talk badly of each other, and they’ve certainly never argued with each other. its crazy. they’ve been together for almost 20 years and never a fight? howard fights with everyone: his mom, wife, boss, coworkers, kids, sister, friends, listeners, guests, but never robin. he adores her and listens to her.

they also have a great little ploy going that is subtle and beautiful. if howard has a guest on who is a little apprehensive about something, howard will say something like, “tell robin your story.” or “lift your shirt and show robin what you’re talking about.” classic.

so here’s to you, robin quivers. you really don’t look 50, and you’re a hero to many. including me.

quick facts about robin that you might not know:

she was in the army, she was a nurse, she’s never been married, her hero is muhammad ali, she met howard in washington dc when she was assigned to do the news for him, she has a condo in manhattan, he loves animals and owns a horse!

this post is dedicated to ann s. who flowed the busblog a buck, gracias, ann!

which always makes me wonder why they spend so much time and effort on clothes.

i just had to go through michael kors fall 2002 collection for a top secret assignment and it was typical kors: classy, safe, black and brown, with lots of cashmere.

there was this one skirt that i thought was awesome, it sort of looked like a doily-type thing. he had great long coats, lots of fur, cuz apparently he doesn’t give a fuck.

even had this long coat made of coyote which would creep me out a little if i had to wear it, but that’s only because coyote is just way to close to wearing dog fur on your back.

and it wasn’t even all that glamorous. so maybe his collection wasn’t all that safe.

i like michael kors because his mens collection doesn’t come across as too faggy, which is hard, i would imagine, for most designers.

why lenny kravitz doesn’t have a fashion line is beyond me.

fuck.

so kitty bukkake is back to what first got me to notice her. shes girltalking with her friend about everyones favorite subject “should i get naked on a web cam for $900 a night.”

i ask you, what is better than two hot chicks talking about sex and exhibitionism and what would happen if their mothers ever found out?

nothing.

another reason i love kb is because she doesn’t worry about her posts being too long.

i had a short story professor who said that a story could never be too short, and a great story could never be too long.

i didn’t agree with him too many times other than that, but i did write a very short story for him one day after he pretty much demolished one of my masterpieces while praising a sorry hack chum.

it was called “die, old man, die”.

i forget how the story went but it was about three sentences long and the word “fuck” was used about thirty seven times.

i didn’t hand it in because i was afraid he’d like it and i didn’t want to give him any pleasure what so ever.

however, he did ultimately win as i didn’t write a short story for a good ten years or so after suffering through his class.

back to girltalking: i could read books and books of that shit. bring em on.

two girls talking about hot stuff is almost as cute as young girls smoking, but better because sometimes we get to really get inside the heads of the female animal, which most of us dudes really want to do.

the wonders of the internet have allowed men from all over the world to chat with girls who might be too uptight or shy or busy to talk with us on the phone in real life, etc.

similiarilly chicks are able to chat with each other as well, and all that good back-and-forth is not lost in the void of at&t but can now be easilly captured placed on the page, gloriously advancing mankind because those little glimmers of femininity are spectacular and something that i never got to really read during my childhood of thumbing through my mom’s huge stacks of cosmos, which, i found out later, were all lies aimed at making women feel horrible about their bodies and ashamed of their men who could never pass any of those relationship quizzes written by overthehill gay men who smoked virgina slims in clean offices of manhattan.

the reason that women dress up isnt to impress men, we all know, it’s to impress other women. but once that goal has been achieved, then what? this has always been my question.

if mandy wears a super smart blazer, short skirt, ridiculously incredible shoes and a hint of the right perfume while having a perfect hair day, and sandy notices, will sandy be mandy’s best friend forever? is that what women really want? uber-respect that leads to a shopping buddy who’ll have brunch with her during football season? i seriously hope not.

so its in these conversations where they talk about where the proper line should be drawn in the web cam sex world of cyber$pace that we can discover, if we’re lucky, truly what is it that gets those girls motivated enough to throw down a couple hundred smackers on some heels instead of on a plane ticket to visit her best friend in maui.

these are the things that i look for.

some of the fellas who write me, well, they just beat off to it.

either way, it sure beats tapping your sister’s phone so you can hear if kelly o’donnell thinks you’re cute.

layne overestimates my play-by-play capabilities: but he does make some great points about chick’s passing.

to the busblog who probably are wondering what the hell is going on here.

my name is tony. i’m a blogaholic.

in the daytime i fight crimes and save lives across the meanstreets of los angeles.

i live in hollywood near a church full of scientists.

im a single man who enjoys dating, dancing, long walks on the beach, and creamed spinach at koo koo roo.

i haven missed a sunset in about three months.

i dont have a car, i ride the bus to work, thus i called this blog the busblog.

im not terribly attractive but because the smog is so bad in LA none of the hotties seem to notice.

when im not saving damsels in distress or writing lies in my blog, im either watching tv, listening to classical music, or writing on my web site. people seem to like my photo essays.

my favorite color is peach.

if i had a dog it would be an old english sheepdog.

now that aj and i have patched things up, all of my ex girlfriends still love me.

a few months ago i started an experiment where i wanted to see if 100 people would link me from their sites in a month. they did.

now im seeing if i can raise $1,000 in a month. that one might be tougher.

my favorite rock group is called Tsar.

all my friends are so awesome.

my favorite new olympic event is the running knuckle jump (pictured).

im a libra on the scorpio cusp, but i dont really believe in astrology.

people borrow from my style of interviewing myself in their blogs and thats okay. it’s sorta nice even. but i wish they’d steal more from my photo essays. everyone likes pictures.

i loved ken layne’s novel “dot con” and not just cuz hes my friend. i also loved lynda barry’s “cruddy” and now i want to read that one again.

im a practicing Christian, and boy do i need a lot of practice.

other than this post and a few others, most of what you read here isnt true.

the person i talk to on the phone with the most is ashley.

and according to moxie im way funnier in real life.

i have a million email addresses, but the best one to reach me on is thru my hotmail.

and sent in $20 for the cause. the goal is a cool g before the end of august which pretty much adds up to a buck from each of you. slight catch is i can not have ever met you.

for example, ashley’s friend anita from canada sent in a buck today. perfect. thank you anita. thank you, ed. that brings the august total to $110.

nice job everybody.

ooooh whats this? because we broke $100 we get to open an envelope.

which one should it be?

the pink one, the red one? blue?

grey?

avacado?

plum?

brown?

think hard.

ok the gray one it is.

let’s see here. shes young, shes white.

she likes boys and girls.

she’s written about how to be a drunk asshole for rocketpack

she’s posted some romantic exchanges of lust between she and a pal

but my favorite page of hers are product reviews from items found on in the back of comics.

her name is raymi.

she wrote me an email.

whaddup g

happy birthday.

tony, my birthday was on saturday.

no, not really, really it’s today.

so what did you get for me?

i got you about a thousand more readers a day than you had a year ago.

yeah, but what else?

how about a commitment that i will love you and keep you for one more year?

just one more year?

well, we’ll do like they do in football and go with a series of one year contracts.

that sounds okay.

is there anything that you want for your birthday?

i would like everyone who reads this to give me a buck. next year they can give me two bucks. unless theyve given in the last six months.

blog, i dont know. i dont like asking people for money.

but tony, youre so good at it. youre a frickin marketing genius.

well, i am a preacher, we’re the best at the shakedown. do you have any memories of this year that you want to reminisce about?

nah. im just one. this is no time to look back, this is time to buy some new shoes and run like bono around that huge heart stage.

cool, well, do you wanna say anything to your fans?

hi.

is that it?

love ya.

i swear, for a blog you have very little to say today.

you woke me from my nap. talk to me later today and i might say something more. thanks for all the shweet gwen stefani pics though.

well, those were for ashley as much as anything. shes bummed out today.

ah. shes young, she’ll bounce back.

ok, well blog, its been a fun year. we’ve come a long way and it’ll be interesting to see where this year takes us.

yup.

i swear something is wrong with you, youre not very talkative.

seriously bro, i waked and baked this morning and i really just wanna curl up and take a little nappy poo and i’ll be ready to rock later tonight.

ok, cool. happy birthday blog.

thanks tone.

kevin holtsberry is the winner of the Blogger Pro sponsorship dealio. and im speechless, which, you should know by now is a lie.

lets talk about Blogger Pro for a second. yes, it’s a little more reliable. yes it has spell check. yes it has lots of other features that i haven’t even used yet. but mostly it’s a way for me to reward the guy who wrote the software that i use most on my day, so i paid Ev for it, as he deserves the cash for creating a revolution. period.

if you are a fan of Blogger, you should upgrade to Pro when you feel the urge to upgrade, don’t jump ship to MT or something else. be loyal. loyalty is a good thing.

yesterday me and my coworkers went over to the Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd in the middle of LA. i like eating lunch there or dinner there because theres so many choices and its super old school and you shouldn’t be surprised if you see a lady working behind one of the counters who sets down her baby on the counter to answer the phone and ten seconds later hands you your food right where the baby’s diapered ass once sat.

to me, that’s priceless. homey. small town. classic.

but because im a loyal sap, no matter how many choices they have there i will eat only at two locales: the crazy shrimp place or the cajun place.

yesterday i had gumbo and red beans and rice and a black cherry soda. total cost $12, which is a lot for lunch, but usually i make my own lunch and its my belief that certain things like good food are priceless and if some dude can just bust with the sweet authentic gumbo in the middle of tinsletown, that mofo deserves whatever he asks.

last time i had crawfish there, which were fun, but not for lunch, because it took too long to unpeel those babies and my fingers smelled like seafood all day.

speaking of loyalty: so many of my girl friends are out of town this week and its made me sorta miss them. chris is in amsterdam, karisa is in beantown, ashley is in vegas, and meesh – even though she was a freaker on friday night – is hiking in oregon.

does this make me more productive at work due to the fact that i don’t have to email them so much?

not at all.

what has made me more productive is that im happy that my wrists are at about 90% with only slight buzziness in them. the constant icepacks have helped a lot and the rest this weekend that i gave them was huge.

am i rambling? guess i am. ok. bye.

p.s. gavin, shes never gonna marry your luckier than lucky ass unless you fucking hold her hand you swishy limey prettyboy coldfish faker, and by the way her band kicked your band in the ass this year. beaten again by the girl you wish you were. maybe you should go back to ripping off kurdt.

p.p.s. anyone who wants to keep this party going and donate $20 or $40, feel free, and with your generosity attach a blog topic request and i will be happy to fulfill it.

scoffed at my $20 call-out and upped the ante to $30 like it ain’t no thing.

do you have any idea how great that makes me feel? first JC gives a buck every day for two weeks. then kevin does it for a week. then max power flows with a buck, which i never got to say thanks for. thanks, bro, sorry about your fantasy team. then wKen with the andrew jackson, and now WU with the thirty spot.

and i didn’t even have to get naked.

physically.

but it did accidently turn on The Incredible Post-Modern Great Idea Machine:

for the billionaires behind “Girls Gone Wild” a new series documenting the phenomenon previously ascribed to the rave culture, incorrectly, but should be filmed and titled “Southern California Ecstasy Parties 101”.

thank you.

perfume companies should sponsor strippers.

thank you very much.

women like little white things little pink things and little cute things, when it comes to electronics. trust me, i know.

electronics companies should make see-through televisions and dvd players similar to the iMac with plastic casings that come in clear, powder pink and baby blue. laugh all you want, if tv’s were prettier when they were turned off, women wouldn’t feel the urge to hide them into whopping huge armoires.

thank you.

the golden arches motel in zurich has the right idea with self-serve reservations check-in. as someone who used to be on the road a lot, there is no reason for there to be a human being employed to have me fill out a form, run my credit card and hand me a key. you could do that in a vending machine.

and why does this mcdonald’s style motel make it hard to get a happy meal?

guests at the motel are forced to get our of bed and walk across the parking lot to get their big macs, which pretty much ruins the novelty of being at a mcmotel, no? all-mcdonald’s room service is an indulgence whose time has come.

get it together, switzerland.

and finally, Directv, who i love, needs to think about the Couch Potato Club, where for $150/month you get everything that your tv can handle. All you can eat. and im not *just* talking pay-per-view movies, im talking local channels and feeds from all over the country, mtv east coast and west coast, and the jewel of them all “blacked-out” sporting events.

the Directv lawyers will think of a million reasons why this couldn’t possibly work, but you know, that’s the problem with society today: we create this cool thing called tv, improve it with satellite, distribute it all around the world, and then make it illegal so that a tv freak like me cannot see the local news out of Iowa because of bullshit fcc regulations.

regardless, Directv needs to learn how to cater to tv junkies like me who would pay for more more more if the price was right. we live in a super-sized culture where americans look at ford explorers as not big enough so they buy expeditions and chevy tahoes. if we like something we want more. give us more, fuckheads.

what i want is local news and programming from all around this glorious country of ours, and i want to stop getting my sporting events blacked out. its ridiculous. no matter what you do im not going to anaheim to see the angels play the yankees. i paid $150 for the baseball package, show me the friggin baseball games now.

anna kornikova, my girlfriend was playing just south of irvine saturday at 1pm. tickets were only $40. i was up at 9am contemplating seeing it in person. seeing her in person. i found out it was going to be on tv so i decided to stay at home and enjoy it in my pajama bottoms. but guess what, i woulda stayed in my pajamas on saturday anyway, fcc and fox sports.

why?

because thats what you should do in america in southern california in the summertime, getting up only to open the french door windows a tad to let the breeze in and refill my glass of orange juice.

its why our forefathers faught all those wars.

so accept my hard earned money, and give me my Iowa tv.

Blogger Pro, which I recently bought, happily, cost me $35. the first person who flows me $35 will get a link to their web site next to the Blogger Pro button for a year.

tell me that isnt a great deal.

wKen dug deep and flowed $20 justlikethat to the busblog.

little did he know, but he inadvertantly turned on The Incredible Post-Modern Punk Rock Lyric Machine

look out!

“butterface bonanza”

i got somethin

to say to you

i bet you

wont believe it’s true

i know theres something

inside of you

girl

like nothin else

in this big big love

im not waitin

a hundred years

im running out

to get some beers

when i come back

if youre still here

better lost those

old school fears

theres a bullet train

approaching

its almost here.

i hate all

your stupid friends

i hope they die

in accidents

i hate your cat

and your rat

and all that

keep you from me

cant you see

im the man

what part of

mister

dont you understand

i want to be

your punk rock king

i wanna steal you

a diamond ring

and theres a nuclear disaster

thats right on time.

rock of gibraltar

rock of gibraltar

rock of gibraltar

rock

who’ll be the next to tempt fate and throw $20 at the problem?

1917 – 2002