of kitty bukakke

31. http://teleblog.pitas.com

me. but you knew that.

i had a great weekend this weekend and i hope you did too.

summer finally came to the tri-counties and it couldnt have come at a better time.

so what do i do? me and chris and chris’s sister went to the fancy-dancy $14 movie theatre and finally saw Spider-Man. what a great movie! totally made me wanna see Army of Darkness and Evil Dead 2 again — which laid the groundwork for the cool parts of Spider-Man.

why havent any of the reviewers said anything like that? maybe they did, i wouldnt know, i dont read the reviews until i see the film.

anyhow, im in a terrific mood and i can barely contain it.

mostly cuz i have you on my blog reading my words, and that makes me so happy.

im bummed that i missed emmanuelles sweet party, but i made due.

maybe one day the cheerleaders will let me tell you.

but i think ive said too much already.

29. http://jrctx.tripod.com

30. http://asterius.com/pf

i first met emmanuelle nearly five years ago at her wedding to matt welch. i think that was the first time, my memory is horrible.

matt and emmanuelle got married in the home of milky white cows called joncey, france.

me and chris were together back then and we took an airplane from frisco to amerstam, spent the night there, then took a train to paris and spent the night there, then took a train to a town and got picked up by dougie gyro, i think, and he took us to the joncy.

first beers were drank, then we all went to the the town courthouse. they knew emmanuelle’s dad since he was the mayor, after all. then we all marched through the streets to the church, then we all marched through the streets to another place with drinks.

then we went to the mayor’s house to party.

the story, as i remember it, is that emmanuelle’s family were the leaders of this central france small town for years and years. then in the late 30s or early 40s they were voted out. then hitler marched through france and came to joncey and said, “where are your leaders?” and they pointed to the people who were the leaders and hitler took them to a barn and hung them.

once WWII was over the french voted emmanuelle’s family back into office and not only has joncey never been happier, but some might say the world has never been better. coindidence?

one of the coolest memories that i will ever have in joncey was listening to matt and ken and os sing up on a hill in the dark in the wee hours that summer night as the reception was dying down. a wedding due to the fact that emmanuelle reeled in that romanticly drunken hippy whiteboy from the lbc.

emmaunelle is an awesome person, shes french, but not one of those terrible french people we read about. when she speaks english it’s sweet, it’s cute. it makes you think that all the french should speak english cuz it sounds good like that.

emannuelle has a great fashion sense all her own and makes it seem so easy.

shes a fabulous journalist, and brings home the bacon en francaise or in english, just like she does on her killer blog.

but best of all she has kept our good pal matt healthy, happy, and still singing sweet songs.

bonne anniversarie, mon amie, emmanuelle!

damn that bitc! is butt fu!king ugly!

Rocko

Dear “Rocko”,

exactly whic! bitc! are you claiming to be butt fu!king ugly!?

and since when is that an insult? last time i found myself behind the curtained privacy of the adult section at the 20/20 video (which was quite a while ago, sadly), three out of four of the tapes had something to do with butt love of one sort or another.

now, just because im the minority who dont find that sort of affection as endearing as some, apparently most video-renting americans do.

just look at the selection!

right now rocko, we could see white girl, black girls, latinas, asians, blondes, schoolgirls, amateurs, professionals, seniors, married, goths, cheerleaders, midgets, and yes, even babes in jail get butt fu!ked.

and these are pretty girls.

which makes me confused when you suggest that the only young ladies who like it that way would be ugly.

as for my looks, you need to learn the lesson that i am living by example. i am quite over my looks. i dont even look at my looks anymore because it makes me sad.

but the lesson is, look at all the hot chicks who dont even care.

to borrow from your vocabulary list, that is what i would call “freakish.”

i dont get it. LA is brimming full of good looking guys. all the gyms are full, all these guys have great cars and cool bachelor pads, and good clothes, and wads of ill gotten cash.

how am i, at 108 years old, not 40, poor rocko, pulling in these totally amazing women? none of whom have ever asked me to visit their backdoor, thankfully.

my lesson to you, friend, is it’s not cuz of my looks. and its not my fancy car, or ocean front casa, or endless supply of cocaine and gold boolions.

see, i cant even spell it.

gold bullions.

thank you, blog.

as for “running after mentally disturbed teens,” ashley is now twenty, no longer a teen. and im not running after her, if you must know, shes running after me.

does that make her mentally disturbed?

sorta.

but im way more disturbed for not letting her catch me, since shes the catch, and i miss her very much.

so quit being jealous that she doesnt want you.

there are other fish in the sea

and as we see from this picture, there are also jack asses like you.

write back soon.

love,

tony

p.s. i do need to take a shower. but its not ass that i smell of.

guess again.

28. http://www.bloviate.blogspot.com

and i expect such things in life.

it’s tough having favorites, and i am not afraid to tell people where they stand.

but her complaint was the spark to a brilliant idea that i just had.

i was a terrific editor in college, ask anyone. i think i was a far better editor than writer. even though i was unfairly fired and then banned from the paper that gave birth to a lot fo the great writers and editors that you read and love, i learned a lot there.

and my list, kitty, was simply a representation to the hard-nose super high commitment to excellence that i learned under the shadow of that mighty tower in santa barbara.

there’s many reasons why i came up with those ladies as who i’d pick to fill seven spots if i was guest editor of FoxNews.com, and one reason that I did not pick Kitty is because she holds back on her readers.

it’s true.

i mean, her pen name is Kitty Bukkake, for pete sake, and how much blushingly erotic sexiness do you read on her page?

not much, is right.

now, i dont know ms. kb all that well, but i know her enough to be able to honestly say that she has some stories to tell — as we all do, im sure — and i know shes in a committed relationship with an excellent midwestern man who deserves his private life to remain just that, but come on dear girl there is a geyser of stories inside that thin frame busting to come out and i have not seen but a glimpse of it on your “diary” and before i would be confident to release you upon the good people of FoxNews.com, i would have to see that you could tell a sexy tale on your own page.

but i realize that some of you arent into that, so i have devised a master plan that im sure you will all love to participate in.

my blog is about to self destruct, and before that happens, i would like to host some stories of people that i know and love.

i would LOVE to have some guest columnists on here.

screw FoxNews.com

and of course i feel bad for writing things like what my good pal jeff said about how the only good women writers were either crazy or crazy.

so this is what i would like to do: all the ladies who know me or who dont know me, if you would like to see your column posted on this very page, i would love to have it.

all you have to do is send it in to my home email address: guestbabecolumnist@tonypierce.com, and you can either post using your real name and i will include a link to your site,(if you have the courage), or you can post using a pen name (if you want to write something, let’s say, risquee) and i wont link your site.

either way my illiterate readers will be educated into the sweet world of your world via this blog.

what could be finer?

the invite is open to women who want to write something that they wouldnt dare write on their site, for women who want to write to my very diverse readership, and/or to women who want to write something who don’t have a blog to write on.

i can guarantee you a good sized audience and the opportunity to receive sweet praise.

and maybe if this is a smashing success, i will let the fellas have a chance,

but since i was raised right, ladies first.

it’s nothing new.

she says she wants to be my friend. then she’ll lick my neck when i kiss her cheek goodnight.

she says she wants to hang out with me, then she flies off to wherever she goes without even an adios.

some people would get upset about these sorts of things, but not me, which is why, i suppose that we’ve been able to have such a good relationship for all this time.

tonight chris’s sister is in town from oregon so we’re going to take her to a fancy LA restaurant and then get some yucks at the Comedy Store on sunset cuz they dont have those sorts of things in the woods Up North.

im very happy to live in LA.

but i think i would be able to live quite nicely there in central oregon.

no one would bother me except the klan and the wild turkeys and the deer.

i would smoke my pipe in the morning, write, wrestle up some grub, brush my teeth, eat, fish, come back and take a nap, fish, and write some more.

yes, i know, hemingway tried to live that sort of life after living in some cool cities and it made him blow his brains out, they say. but i dont think so.

i think he blew his brains out because he wasnt surrounded by awesome friends.

im very much enjoying this Laker parade as it winds its way through downtown.

two quick comments: Kobe’s krazy wife is a friggin knockout. i never knew really why he married her, but now i do. damn, bro.

the other news that somehow slipped this site is that long time Laker AC Green who was a vocal virgin was married two months ago, he reports.

AC holds the NBA record for consecutive games played (1,192 straight games), but really the 39 year streak of no nookie… is that something to be proud of? maybe.

i dont think so, though.

the easiest thing to say in the world is no.

but still, im happy that now AC gets to make up for some lost time.

maybe he can make a new video now.

happy flag day, flag.

it’s okay in my book to celebrate such a day especially when our nation’s flag is the coolest of all and our state flag is pretty awesome as well.

somehow this week i forgot to tell you about our pal Ben getting a column published in FoxNews.com, which makes me think that FoxNews should just hire me to pick the columnists that will make their pages mightier.

one thing i learned in my teens selling stereos and tvs on commision is you want people to buy more than just one item. same should go with having people click on more than one link on your news site.

so if youre going to present to the world Ben Sullivan, you really should run a column from his sister Kate.

if youre going to run Layne, run Welch too.

or if you’re going to give the world Welch, let them discover his talented wife Emmanuelle as well.

post a point-counterpoint from two law professors, like Reynolds and Volokh.

on the old days at Wrigley they used to have Ladies Day on Wednesday, i wouldnt mind seeing Rabbit, Sara, Virginia, Seipp, Amy, Solent, and Dawn take over a column for a week.

ok, now i have to go back to my tv to watch the parade.

i hope Shaq freestyles again.

27. http://www.vodkapundit.com