specially by dipshits.

a long time ago roget ebert said that the internet was the greatest invention that man ever created so that strangers could connect over long distances and tell each other that they suck.

what sucks about most of the people who leave anonymous negative comments to my posts about how riduculously transparent our fuehrer’s lies are is that they never

ever

ever

back up their whines with facts or admissions or halfway concessions or ideas or reasons or excuses or apologies or different takes on what i present.

they just roll off their sisters, fire up their aol, and tell me i suck.

well duh, i know i suck.

tell me something i dont know.

but that still doesnt mean that our president isnt completely full of shit and up to his eyeballs in lies, deception, and impeachable acts.

and it doesnt mean that rumsfield didnt look like a stuttering old man who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar this afternoon during his press conference.

what im asking for i dont believe is all that difficult, however the gutless will see it as a challenge and wont own up. but what im asking for is a dialogue of even the most simple sort.

kids could figure it out.

if someone says something that you disagree with, write out what parts you disagree with and give reasons why and then leave your name and an email address and/or homepage.

if you really believe what it is that youre writing in my comments, that is.

sam + tomdog + flingus

i hear you want to throw money at this george bush problem.

all i suggest is you throw it in the right places.

in the picture to the left you see a pretty girl who spent some money on a nice outfit, tennis lessons, and a nice racquet.

sometimes its better to spend money on a prettier girl instead. or twenty prettier girls.

according to reuters you plan on spending $12.5 million to defeat president bush.

all i can say is, if i was you, a billionaire, seriously committed to removing a president who has lied about weapons of mass destruction, lied about taking a country to war, illegally detained hundreds of people for two years now, crippled a once vibrant economy, and is poised to be one of the most rotten scoundrels ever to be called the president of the united states,

i would think bligger.

what hes doing in the name of freedom

in the name of america

is disgusting.

plus hes a fucking moron.

whys there a fucking lying moron running my country blowing shit up and killing and imprisoning people in my name and making me pay for it?

but whats creepier is how many people dont mind him.

and what do we make of the alleged millions who support the little fuck?

well you go spend your money.

me, im gonna write on my blog.

count the times i have sex this year

7

and start a new online zine

entirely written by women

a place for female bloggers to write what they dont write on their blogs.

Lick

sex

drugs

rock

something to do other than nothing

what id rather do is receive a check from you, mr soros, for five million dollars. and id rather put together a staff of excellent writers and photographers and pay them the highest salaries that theyve ever had

to make the finest online political web magazine ever

called the bush report

for the sole purpose of making sure that the american people know the truth about who they’ll be voting for the next time theres a presidential election.

if i was a billionaire and i couldnt expose a dumbass like george fucktwit bush with my $12.5 million

and i actually had an extra $5 mil

to invest in the interent

which, like rock n roll

by the way,

isnt dead.

thank you.

well, if it was me,

id invest in something cheesy like the power of the truth

written like nails blasting out of a damn shotgun.

hell, fellow billionaire mark cuban

invested more than that this year on antoine walker

and all cuban wanted to do was beat the fucking lakers.

layne + welch + langfield + sullivan + minx

cuz they seriously dont care what you look like. i love that. all they care about is your personality.

in a way theyre sorta like dogs. except dogs dont even care about your personality, the only things dogs care about is that you dont beat them and that you feed them.

republicans are even more loyal than dogs. republicans will stand by their man regardless of whether that man bankrupts their country, or lies about why he’s sending their sons and daughters to war.

im not that loyal.

if i was lied to by my president about pretty much anything other than getting a hummer in the office, I’d probably be pretty pissed off.

but to be lied to about why we’re going to war… especially if i was a veteran, or a parent of a soldier… or a proud american… that would make me wonder why the president isnt getting in any trouble.

i mean i remember back in school, if a person lied about something dumb like who they liked or something, that wasnt a big deal. but if someone lied about something that, i dont know, ended in hundreds and hundreds of american military men and women dying and the country going into billions of dollars in debt – even more debt than before… well, if someone had done that in school, theyd definitely be sent to the principals office.

but republicans are so loyal, more loyal than women and dogs, that they’re not only not demanding that bush gets sent to the office, but theyre completely ready to re-elect him.

i find that fascinating.

even more fascinating than a pretty little skinny woman marrying a man 5 times her size

who wears glasses

soundbitten + lick + blue cad

he’s 50. 50 years old.

howard is my favorite dj. but hes not really a dj, hes a talk show host, and probably the best interviewer in all of television and radio.

he doesnt get the credit he deserves but who does, really?

although he stole a lot of his act from my first favorite dj, mr. steve dahl, he has taken that “shock jock” style and elevated it to a higher level that im not so sure steve could have done if steve had moved to new york in the 70s and not chicago.

regardless i love howard. he has the best show on tv. he has easily the best radio show around. hes consistantly funny. he rarely bores me. his bread and butter is his celebrity interviews but his left hand uppercut is how he makes stars out of the people you expect the least.

from fred the elephant boy, to gary the retard, to kkk guy daniel carver, to stuttering john, hank the angry dwarf, beetlejuice, high pitch eric, and crackhead bob. howard can turn the most ridiculous into the most hilarious. he’s the modern day ed sullivan and even though he’s number one, he gets no respect from hollywood because he kisses no ones ass. which should be a lesson to you all.

hes got my respect.

look at the guests he had on his e! show last year. heavy on strippers and porn stars and retards. a sprinkling of top shelf celebs, but howard teaches us indirectly that the big stars arent the most entertaining, its the average people out there who are the most interesting.

if you think that exhibitionists and crack heads are average.

he can dress in a dress and hes funny. he can get a divorce after 20 years of being married and its funny. he can date a model he has no business being with and its funny. he can threaten to quit his show after yelling at his boss and its funny. hes a real guy who’s not afraid to say what he thinks and its not only funny but its educational.

and then there are the lesbians.

no one had the nerve to allow lesbians to be themselves on tv until howard showed up and some might say he opened the same door to the gays, midgets, pornstars, and retards too. i would.

thanks howard for waking up at 3am every day for our asses and being funny every damn day.

thanks for not having a web site, or tshirts, or coffee mugs.

thanks for not being a sell out like pretty much the entire world.

happy 50th birthday.

you are the king.

f jackie,

tony

jarvis + adrants + king of all media

shes now 22.

never have i deserved any of the girls who i got to spend time with, but no way should i have had a girl like ashley like me the way she did and probably still does.

yes, it began as a simple internet friendship, and yes, it turned into much more.

shes as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and shes even more beautiful in person.

when she kisses you she keeps her eyes closed and lets it sink in.

she likes to hold your hand at all times

she squeals

once i woke up with her playing with the hairs on my chest and she said what would you like today boo

and i said three lovers in three ways

and she rang the little bell and miss gwen stefani appeared with a cloud of smoke behind door number three

and we all danced.

i danced the best

there were judges.

that night the skys parted and a beam of light shone through the stars and gwen stefani ascended into the better place and ashley asked me to write down what had happened so i wouldnt forget it

later we held hands

and fell asleep.

i miss her immensely.

theres no replacing someone as sweet, full of excitement, and a thrill to be with.

and im pretty sure my website has suffered with her absence.

happy birthday, daisy girl from the future worlds.

youre always in my fondest thoughts.

me and ashley rent a car + she was just 19 the other day + her livejournal

but youd be surpised how quickly i can become offended and get unbelievably furious. maybe you wouldnt be surprised.

i think im a good person. i think i do good things. i think i am a fun person to be with. and i also thought i had plans to spend the weekend with a cheerleader and here it is noon and i havent seen said cheerleader since dinner time.

this isnt the first time that ive had a date with someone and in the middle of it they bail out.

most of the time i am a lovable libra. easy to please. easy to love. easy going. rockin out on faith no mores easy.

but i am on the scorpio cusp. usually just a pinky toe. sometimes completely submerged up to my fro.

sometimes when i say to someone, hey lets spend the weekend together, that could be considered a step in the right direction. someone reaching out to someone. someone trying to do more than play the old booty call game.

youd think some would appreciate such gestures, and dare i say, risks, out into the darkness

i once dated a young girl who wanted to be my girlfriend and kept my distance because she was so young. but eventually my defenses began to whither and one night i invited her to a romantic evening and i told her it was a date and she knew it would be a date and well lets just say that she in the middle of the date left me to go somewhere else and didnt return until 4:19 in the morning.

havent talked to her since.

not that she doesnt call. does she call? its been many moons since ive called her and last night she called three times. i didnt answer. why would i answer. and how did the indians live without caller id.

im not a lonely man. im not a bored man. i know i could get a high paying job if i really wanted one. i know i could have a cool girlfriend if i wanted.

exactly how the tribune corporation could do what it took to get the cubs to the world series.

if they wanted.

some people, i guess, just want to be mediocre

forever.

maybe you shouldnt be surprised

about that either.

splink is better than ever + instahangover + another take on blogs

i wasnt so sure i wanted to do that since so many people who visit sit on the couch, so i put a blanket down. then i put another blanket down. then we did it.

difference about doing it in the living room as opposed to the dungeon or the master bedroom is the living room has hard wood floors and moans and squeals and screams bounce and echo and broadcast all over the property. it was ridiculously warm today, so the windows were open but not for long.

she doesnt like it when i take little breaks but with hot chicks like her you have to take a little break, doesnt matter if youre 110 or 18, its ok to get a breather in there, if only for ten or fifteen seconds to shut the french windows or pull the shades.

like most of them, this un was an exhibitionist. is an exhibitionist. she could hear the workers outside the windows gardening and she gave me shit for not wanting to let them eavesdrop.

give the help a thrill, she scolded and turned over and scooted over the armrest

i put the darkness on the cd player.

took a sip of rum right out of the bottle and looked at what just might have been the best ass in all of hollywood

and then i took a gulp out of that bottle, set it down,

and wondered if people remembered that i was going to

6

count each time i got some

coyote + gnomegirl + leah

:

the curse of the black pearl

starring johnny depp and keira knightley

walt disney pictures

directed by gore verbinski

why didnt anyone tell me that this was a movie about a gay pirate?

the girl who brought this movie over today in flip flops and a sirrong because its 80 degrees told me that all of you have already seen this so im not giving anything away by talking about this, so i will talk about this.

remember in that scene where johnny depp is on that island with nothing but that hot chick and gallons of rum? remember when he puts his arm on her shoulder and she says that she hasnt dranken enough rum to get it on.

remember when the eyeliner wearing pirate with his long dangley earings and his pretty blouse and perfectly groomed moustasche says that he hadnt had enough rum to get it on with her too?

gay.

but its ok.

i dont even mind if all of the pirates of the black pearl were symbolic of survivors of aids, half alive half dead, taking life on and not raping when they pilage while waiting for the gold treasure + blood cure to remove their “curse”.

not only dont i mind it

i love it!

i especially love that the cure isnt the blood of the slinky young girl who doesnt like to wear dresses but prefers to crossdress in a british navy uniform, but its the blood of the slinky young boy who flounces around the smithery playing with his sword for three hours a day. every day.

5

my true love saw this movie and walked out because she said there was something fishy about it that just rubbed her the wrong way.

all i can say is i loved it. arrrrrrg.

i loved johnnys keith richards hunter s. thompson gay pirate

i loved thinking about a time when men didnt have to worry about their receeding hairlines because they wore pretty wigs

i loved the action and the special effects and the humor and the creativity.

on the greg vaine GBMRS? rating scale, i give this a good good good good.

dirty fez + welch + melting dolls